Review of The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, Ph.D.

I wish I had read The Sociopath Next Door when it was first published in 2005.  It may have saved me from the relationship I began in 2009.  For approximately ten years, I let myself be manipulated, bullied, gaslighted, and verbally and financially abused by someone without a conscience.  In other words, I let myself be taken in by a sociopath.

The Sociopath Next Door defines a sociopath as someone without a conscience.  More specifically, a sociopath is someone who lacks the ability to feel guilt, remorse, or shame.  A sociopath has no concept of responsibility and can’t bond emotionally with others.  To a sociopath, life is a zero-sum game, and the sociopath always has to win.

According to The Sociopath Next Door, sociopaths make up 4% of the population, and they aren’t just violent killers and rapists.  They can be our neighbors, bosses, coworkers, teachers, doctors, friends, and relatives.  They are spontaneous risk-takers who are chronically bored, and they trick us into thinking they are good people by being charming and charismatic when they are actually incapable of empathy.

The most important thing I learned from The Sociopath Next Door was how to spot a sociopath.  Because normal people are emotionally vulnerable when they encounter someone they pity, the sociopath uses pity plays to keep others in check.  A sociopath will hurt you, humiliate you, manipulate you, and gaslight you.  Then when you call them on their behavior, they will turn on the crocodile tears and make you forgive them through pity.  After reading this book, I finally realized who I was dealing with and was able to break my emotional connection to this person.